Leslie/Lesley

I try not to read the obituaries because the stories tend to stay with me but sometimes I find the names irresistible. This week, I saw an obituary for a woman named, Ruth Lesley. Did no one say these two names together before the name went on the birth certificate?

Bob Hope's real first name was Leslie Townes Hope. Legend has it that he started going by Bob because when they read the roll at school he was, "Hope, Leslie" leading classmates to call him, "Hopeless". Other stories have him changing his name to Lester before finally taking the stage name, "Bob Hope".

There was a short time during the 1990s when the name Tierney was en vogue for girls. I always joked that Tierney would be the bossiest girl on the playground but now I fear that Ruth Leslie might give Tierney a run for the money.

Leslie started life as a Scottish surname in the late 12th century tracing its origin back to a Scottish nobleman, Bartholomew. His land was known as Lesslyn from the words, "lesse ley", meaning, "sheltered pasture". Some sources suggest the name actually means, "garden of hollies". Its use as a first name, initially only for men, is more recent. Probably not much earlier than the mid-1800s.

Usage in the United States:

By the 1880s, Leslie was moderately popular for men and was in occasional use for women. This trend continues until the 1940s where the name begins to pick up steam for women and the spelling, "Lesley", is also in regular use for men and women. By the 1950s, the number of female babies named Leslie, Lesley or Leslee outnumbers the male babies named Leslie or Lesley. In the 1960s, the spelling Lesli makes the top 1000 names of the decade for girls(but Leslee drops away).

Leslie for girls peaks at number 70 during the 1970s and holds steady through the 1980s. In the 1990s it drops into the high 100s and remains there to this day. Leslie for boys has not been seen in the top 1000 since 1997.

Tiffany/Stephanie

Sarah asked if Tiffany was related to the name Stephanie and I knew it wasn't but I wasn't sure exactly how it wasn't. So, what started as a simple answer got complicated. You probably won't care and that is why I answered the question succinctly in the first sentence. To spare you the trouble of reading the rest of this. Now if only I could find a way to not want to write it. Then my laundry would be finished in a timely manner.

Tiffany, as we now know, is derived from the Greek name, Theophania, a name given to girls born on the feast of the Theophany. The Theophany was a day celebrating the manifestation of God in the form of Jesus (theo meaning 'God' and epiphaneia meaning 'manifestation').

Stephanie was first used as a girls' name in France and finds its root in the Greek name Stephanos. Despite the similar "phanos" component Stephanos and Theophanos are not related. Stephanos, appears to mean 'crowned with a wreath' with the word stephos meaning either 'twist' or 'wreath' or something that would indicate a garland or the making of a garland.

I got really caught up in why there are two forms of the name Stephanos in France. There is Estienne which became Etienne and there is Stephane. I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation given the many different forms of the language we now call French that existed before France was France but I'd sure like to know how it came to pass. I found out how Estienne became the modern Etienne but not how Stephanos became Estienne (or Esteban as it is in Spanish).

Tiffany

Tiffany is one of the original names deemed "downwardly mobile" by noted name researchers Linda Rosenkrantz and Pamela Redmond Satran. It tends to conjure images of 1980s excessive consumerism or teen queen ditziness or gum-snapping trailer park moms in tube tops and dangly earrings. It does not tend to conjure images relating to ancient Christian ceremony and yet, the name Tiffany finds its root in exactly that.

Tiffany began life as the name , Theophania. It was given to girls born on January 6, the date of the Epiphany to Western Catholics and Theophany to Eastern Orthodox churches. For our purposes, let's focus on the word theophany which means, "manifestation of God" and is the name of the feast which celebrated the manifestation of God in the form of Jesus. (Note: The Epiphany/Theophany is sometimes referred to as Twelfth Night but Twelfth Night is actually the night before, the night of January 5.)

The following names are among some that can be found in documents starting from the 13th century in France:

• Tyfainne
• Typhainne
• Typheinne
• Tifaine
• Tiphaine

The name Tuffayna appears on a list of prostitutes from the southern French region of Toulouse (where Occitan was the language) from 1514.

These are from England before 1250:

• Teffania
• Thephania
• Theffanie
• Theophania

These are from England from 1250 - 1450:

• Teffan
• Teph'na
• Thiphania
• Tiffan
• Tiffania
• Tiphina
• Tyffayne

These are from Brittany sometime between 1384 - 1600:

• Tephaine
• Teffaine
• Tephaine
• Theffaine
• Theophaine
• Thephaine
  

Its not difficult to see how Tiffany evolved from Theophania though I wonder how it is that Tiffany became the favored form once standardized spelling gained popularity. This is not exactly a scholarly work...just a blog post so I won't be answering that question here any time soon.

How did Tiffany go from a name with deeply spiritual significance to Christians to its current status? Apparently, Tiffany, for whatever reason, fell out of favor everywhere as the Middle Ages came to a close (as a given name, this doesn't address Tiffany's status as a surname as in the case of Louis Comfort Tiffany). It does not appear in the top 1000 girls' names in the US until the 1960s. Probably not coincidentally, the movie, "Breakfast at Tiffany's", hit theaters in 1961 (the lead female character's name in the movie is Holly and not Tiffany but the movie seems to have given both names a boost). Tiffany at that time was associated with luxury and elegance and good taste.

Well, one person's "tasteful" is another person's "classy" and so went Tiffany. Tiffany had class coming out the yin-yang, it seems and by the 80s you couldn't swing a dead cat in a KMart without hitting a Tiffany. It was also during the 1980s that the Tiffany brand began a global expansion that might have brought a Tiffany store to a mall near you.

All good things must come to an end and in 1990, after peaking at number 16, Tiffany began a steady tumble down the charts coming to rest currently at number 212.

Maya

Maya has only recently come into the greater consciousness of American baby namers, appearing in the top 1000 names only as recently as the 1970s. Early usage has been attributed to a fanciful extension of the name May but I think its just as plausible that immigrant populations from Germany, Poland and Scandinavia brought the name into regular, if infrequent, usage. Not coincidentally, as multiculturalism gained popularity, so did Maya.

Many cultures have some form of the name Maya.

• Maia is a figure in both Greek and Roman mythology (the month of May is named for the Roman Maia in particular).
  
• Queen Maya was the mother of Buddha.
  
• It is sometimes cited as a Hebrew name relating to the word, mayim, meaning 'water', however, this particular usage appears to be a modern one.
  
• The name Maya occurs in Japan but does not appear to be a traditional Japanese name. Usage may be influenced by Mount Maya, a Japanese mountain named for the mother of Buddha.
  
• Maija is a Finnish pet name for girls named Maria. Maja is similarly employed in places as varied as Germany, Poland, Croatia, Serbia, Slovenia and Russia.
  
• Maya is a short form for Amalia in Spanish while Amaia/Amaya are of Basque origin.
• Maya is argued to have an Arabic origin as well but this is disputed. A similar Arabic name, May, and a Lebanese singer by the name of Maya, appear to be the source of confusion. Usage of the name Maya in Arabic speaking countries appears to be modern and not traditional.
  

Anecdotally, this name seems to appeal to multiracial and multicultural families in particular. Of the Mayas I know or have known or know of:

• One is half Asian Indian, half Caucasian-American.
• Two are half Lebanese, half Caucasian-American.
• One is half Japanese, half Vietnamese.
• One is Arabic-American.
• One is half African-American, half Jewish.
  

Rising from relative obscurity before the 1970s, Maya has become quite popular coming in at number 62 for the year 2007 (actually a slight drop from 2006 probably reflecting a leveling more than an actual drop). This is the sweet spot for a popular name. Popular enough to be familiar and easily recognizable but not so popular as to be annoying.

I am currently working on a re-organization of the 2007 popularity list that will combine name spellings and groupings (ie Sophie/Sophia/Sofie/Sofia will be considered one name). I'm interested to see what happens to Maya on the new list.

Bertha - By Special Request

In Norse mythology, Bertha, is the goddess of spinning. Perchta is the goddess of spinning and weaving in Teutonic mythology. The Old High German name, Perchta, is listed alternately as: Berctha, Percht, Berchte, Berahta, Perahta etc. Norse is a language descended from the same Proto-Germanic language as Old High German.

Because of the similarities between the goddesses Bertha and Perchta and their shared ancestral language they are thought to be variations on the same lore and thus, are believed to share the same Old High German root, behrat, meaning 'light'.

Because the German and Norse language contain no dental fricatives (as a result of the High German consonant shift occuring in the 3rd - 5th centuries AD which preceded written records) the pronunciation of Bertha outside of English speaking languages is closer to Berta (Think Mathilda, Mathias etc.)

Bertha was probably introduced outside of Germanic territories by the Saxons and Vikings. Queen Bertha of Kent, who was canonized, was very influential in introducing Christianity to Anglo-Saxon England. Famous Berthas have included: several saints, 2 queens of France and a Byzantine empress.

The name Bertha enjoyed enormous popularity in the U.S. and Britain in the late 1800s but began a steady decline starting around the 1930s. This was possibly due to the widespread use of the name "Big Bertha" used to refer to some forms of artillery used during the First World War. It had slipped off the top 1000 names completely by the 1990s. It is definitely a name in danger of extinction. It has not seen a revival even though a trend for other names from the era of its heyday have enjoyed renewed popularity.

Gifted

A very dear friend recently sent me a real treasure of a gift. It is a baby name book that was published in 1953 with an original publication date of 1946 ("What to Name the Baby" by Evelyn Wells). I've been thumbing through it ever since and delighted to happen upon names that I've never seen before.

Bear in mind that I own or have looked at every baby name book that you would find at your big box bookseller and I have ordered some that are more off the beaten path. I've seen a lot of names. I have a book that claims to list 40,001 of the best names but in order to meet that magic numbers it includes entries like, "Diamondique" and then counts "Diamondik" as another version (and, no, the pronunciation of that second one isn't clear to me either). This book is great, actually. Its loaded with so many invented definition and crazy names it should have been sold in the fiction section. For instance, it includes the name Homer in the girls' section and lists the meaning as "tomboyish". So, by great I mean it makes me want to set my hair on fire.

Back to my book. I'm not saying that this book has your run-of-the-mill unusual names like Odiline or Mehitabel or Hedvige. I'm talking names I've NEVER seen before. And unlike a lot of unusual names that just pop up in a list of names related to a less obscure main entry (like finding Odiline under the entry "Adele") some of these names came with lengthy entries of their own. Squee!

Some examples:

Acca - the name of the foster mother of Romulus and Remus.

Azalais - a Provencal form of Alice.

Ailive - meaning "elf darling".

Alalia - "non-talkative".

Alula - a star in Ursa Major. (Sounds so charming and lilting and spacey enough to suit your average hippie but can't you just imagine it on a pink-haired diner waitress? Alula May Huggins or something?)

Araxia - for the river Araxia in Armenia.

Axah - variant of Achsah meaning "a tinkling anklet".

And that's just the A's!

I was really surprised to see the name Alyssa which I had assumed was Alyssa Milano's parents' bastardization of Elisa. Wells relates it to the flower called sweet alyssum. Huh.

Time to read the B's.

Name of the Day: Audrey

Audrey is such an accessible name that its hard to believe it started life as the far less approachable Old English name, Æðelþryð or Æthelthryth. While researching why there are two spellings given I learned that both ð and þ represent the digraph 'th' and more precisely, the voiced dental fricative version as in 'this' as opposed to the voiceless dental fricative as in 'thing'. I don't see the digraph 'th' listed in the Old English alphabet so I suspect Æthelthryth is a modern transliteration to make it readable to us today. I'm sure someone knows for sure.

Back to the name. Its meaning is 'noble strength'; 'œthel' meaning 'noble' and 'thryth' meaning, of course, 'strength' (or feel free to substitute the Old English spelling of each).

The most famous Æthelthryth was the 7th century Anglo-Saxon princess-cum-saint of the same name. By the 12th century, following the Norman invasion of 1066, the Old English names and indeed the entire language, all but vanished. Æthelthryth became Etheldreda and was then further reduced to Audrey.

St. Audrey's end came in the form of an enormous tumor on her neck, which she took to be retribution for her sin of having once adorned herself with necklaces. During the Middle Ages the city of Ely, England held a "St. Audrey's Fair" on her feast day. At this fair one could purchase neckerchiefs (to represent her affliction) and other items, fantastically described at www.catholic.org as being of "exceptional shoddiness". This eventually led to the formation of the word "tawdry" as a contraction of St. Audrey.

Audrey is currently ranked 68th in the US having made a steady climb from a position in the 200s during the 1970s. I predict a continued steady climb into the top 30.

Name of the Day: Eleanor

I'm hoping to make this a regular, though certainly not daily, feature. I'm mulling over title options but "Name of the Day" is the working title.

Today's name is Eleanor. An easy pick for obvious reasons. Its a good name for discussion as its origins are disputed. Hotly. You won't believe that if you're not "one of us" but its true. Here are the points on which most experts agree:

1. The name Eleanor started life as the name Aliénor or Alienor.
   

You'll notice that there are not a lot of points of agreement.

There are opposing schools of thought as to the origin of the name Alienor which was born most famously by Eleanor of Aquitaine who lived during the 12th century. So, what are these schools? They are:

1. Alienor is a Provençal version of Helen/Helena.
2. Alienor is a Occitan (langue d'oc) form of the Germanic name, Aldenor.
3. Alienor is an Occitan invention created by Eleanor's parents.
4. Some combination of (2) and (3)
   

So, is Eleanor is a Provençal form of the name Helène which is the French form of the Greek name Helen. The argument is that all of these names share the "ele" element which is Greek for "light". The mythical Helen and Helena, the mother of Constantine, would have been well known historical figures in medieval Europe. Linguists argue that this is an unlikely origin because of the significant changes that Helena would have to make to become Aliénor. First, losing the 'h'. It is known, however, that the Romance languages such as Occitan, the language of Aquitaine, often silence the aspirate 'h'. And vowel shifts from a to e or back are not uncommon in the time before standardized spelling had any importance. But, there is no similar pattern of name development to mirror that of Helena to Aliénor. Furthermore, there is no documentation of anyone referred to as Helena/Aliénor in an age when different spellings of the same person's name would have been common and expected and recorded.

The first known usage of Alienor predates Eleanor of Aquitaine by 100 years. This early Alienor had a granddaughter who is listed in documents as Alienor, Aenor and Adenor which has led to the assertion that Alienor has a Germanic origin. How? Well, if one observes the transformation of the German name Adalhaid to Aaliz in France it seems plausible. Here's the pattern(I omit some steps):

• The Germanic name Adalhaid becomes Adaliz becomes Aaliz.

• The Germanic name Aldenor becomes Adenor become Aenor -OR-

• The Germanic name Aldenor become Alenor/Alienor.
  

In all cases one observes the loss of the intervocalic /d/ which is a known phenomenon in Occitan (langue d'oc), the language of Aquitaine, and related languages (Portuguese and Catalan).

Still others assert that Aliénor's name was distinctly Occitan and peculiar to her. It further states that she was obviously named for her mother, Aenor, as "alia Aenor" would have meant "the other Aenor" in Occitan. Notice also that Aliénor contains the word "alien" meaning "other" which is supposed to further support this theory. This camp is further split into those who believe her given name to be Aliénor and those who believe it to have been simply Aenor with the name Aliénor developing as a result of the child being constantly referred to as "the other Aenor". This camp sometimes admits that the meaning and origin of Aenor are unknown to them. It also ignores or isn't aware of or discounts the previous documented use of Alienor.

My own feeling is that Eleanor has no connection to the name Helen but is often cited as such because of its similarity to legitimate forms of Helen such as Elena and Ellen. Frankly, I dismiss the connection outright as sloppy scholarship.

There is very little documented use of Alienor, and to my knowledge, no use of the name Eleanor prior to Eleanor of Aquitaine. Since her time, the name Eleanor has seen consistent usage with peaks and valleys of popularity. It is currently ranked 277th on the 2006 Social Security Administration's list of most popular names for babies. It is ranked 42nd in England and Wales.

Interesting tidbit: Eleanor's grandmother, Aenor's mother, had the very saucy name of Dangereuse and managed to live up to her name.

Classic Classic: The Sub-Categories

I've identified two sub-categories of Classic Classic. The "Elastic Classic Classic" and the "Also Rans".

There is a certain kind of name that has two or more variations all of which have enjoyed great popularity but not necessarily at the same time. Bounces in popularity from one form to another can usually be accounted for by the name fashions of the time. The important thing is that the name, in some form, has remained in near constant and regular use for a long time but with no one variation being able to claim itself a Classic Classic. The category does not include boys names as no male name fits the criteria.

Here are the Elastic Classic Classics:

• Juliana/Julia/Julie
• Anna/Ann(e)
• Christian/Christiana/Christina/Christine

The Also Rans are names that would have made the Classic Classic list but for falling out of regular usage for some short, but not totally insignificant, period of time. Many of these names are experiencing a current loss of favor but have been otherwise immensely popular throughout history. Some have been popular for much of the current era but experienced a lull in some previous time. Even during their lulls these names continued to be used albeit quietly.

Here are the Also Rans:

• Rachel
• Laura
• Rebecca
• Alice
• Margaret
• Eleanor
• Emma
• Victoria
• Lucia/Lucy
• Isabella
• Grace
  

• Andrew
• Daniel
• David
• Edward
• Henry
  
• George
• Charles
• Matthew
• Paul
• George
• Richard
• Adam
• Alexander

There are more classic names for boys than for girls in all sub-categories. This is because naming trends for girls tend to change more frequently and people are more creative when naming girls. There seems to be less pressure to give girls family names freeing people to use less traditional names.

Feeling at liberty to exercise some creativity is great but its a far different thing than taking liberties while naming a girl. Feeling at liberty = Daisy. Taking liberties = Misty (or Mysteigh as it would likely be spelled today). Unfortunately, there's a school of thought that teaches that while boys need names that sound masculine and traditional and respectable, when it comes to girls you can use any thing that strikes you no matter how childish, silly or unsophisticated. But that's another entry.

The Classic Classics

I wanted to do an entry about the "Possible New Classics" which are names that seemed like they were part of a hot trend but may be able to make the leap to being a "New Classic". However, before I addressed the topic of the Possible New Classics I had to deal with the issue of the "Classic Classics". These are names that have remained enormouosly popular for a long time. How long? I don't know. Long. Since at least medieval times but let's not ruin this by getting too attached to numbers. They are names you find time and again used for royalty of yore as well as for biblical and other important literary and historical figures.

In order to be a Classic Classic a name has to be more than old. Something about Classic Classic names keep them from feeling dated which means that a name may be classical and yet not qualify as a Classic. Irene, for example, is a classical name but definitely feels a little musty (which actually makes it perfect for a modern child but that's another entry). The Classic Classics may not cause your pulse to race with excitement but rarely will they invite negative feelings based solely on the name alone (names cannot be held responsible for any personal associations you may have with them).

If these names were an item of clothing they'd be a white shirt; not flashy but always appropriate; not a runway showstopper but always in style. Another defining characteristic is that you probably know of several people in every age group with these names.

So, here is my list of the Classic Classic Names. It does not account for the many spelling variations that exist for each name:

• Sarah
  
• Elizabeth
• Catherine*
• Mary

• James
• John
• William
• Thomas
• Robert

You could argue in favor of a lot of names that aren't on this list but I think that based on my criteria these are the only ones that have transcended time without ever falling out favor. Henry, for instance, certainly has been used repeatedly for royalty and has been attached to any number of literary characters, sports figures, actors, heads of state etc. Henry, however, fell very much of out favor in the middle portion of the 20th century and is only recently experiencing a bit of a revival.

But I'll field any arguments in favor of other names that you feel deserve a spot on this list. Usage is usually confined to the English speaking world.

Popularity of names in the modern era were taken from the Social Security Administration's web site which lists popularity charts of names by decade.

*Catherine on its own often looks deceptively low (too low to be considered "enormously" popular though still high enough to be considered popular) on some popularity lists of the modern era. However, if you combine it with Katherine and Kathryn the name shoots up...usually to the top 10.

The Case Against Junior: Part II or The Case Against Junior, Jr.

The father of Courteney Cox of "Friends" fame is Richard Cox. Richard. Cox. Okay. Not his fault. Sometimes in this life you draw the short straw.

But what could possibly explain Courteney Cox having a brother named Richard Cox?

Nothing but hubris and pure, uncut stubborn. Say what you will about Richard Cox, Sr. but this is a guy who was clearly very firm rigid well, he stood up for his beliefs er, he was a man who believed in stuff and kept believing in them even in the face of certain ridicule.

The very fact that I am ridiculing a man that was very possibly a wonderful person...probably a million and one times better than I could ever hope to be...is my attempt to further prove that it doesn't pay to be overly prideful when naming our children.

I can hear the reasons, "Its not like we'll ever call him Dick!" I'm sure the same thing was said by the adoring parents of Richard Hunt from my school days. But no matter how many times the diminutive Master Hunt quietly suggested that he preferred to be called "Ricky" the kids refused to comply. Some kids are like that. Especially the ones that are kids.

"We can't make decisions based on the juvenile behavior of others." Noble but then its always easy to be noble when someone else has to bear the burden of our cause.

"Its tradition and we are strong! We're the Family Cox! We can take a lic We can perservere. Its what we do."

I'm all for tradition. I even observe a few traditions of my own. But not at any cost and not at the cost of my child's self-esteem. Because, even with a name that doesn't invite teasing, life is "nasty, brutish and short". Life will test them and give them obstacles to overcome without my help. Isn't part of our job as parents to help smooth the way for our children? I'm not saying we should get down and iron the road so its completely flat but maybe just not throw bits of broken glass down onto the path. And then hide their shoes. Just saying.

If, in your own childhood, you had fallen out of tree in such a way that it caused your nose to take a wicked dog-leg left that led the other kids to call you names and just generally poke fun...and if you managed to overcome that and live a happy and fulfilling life...would you then look at your infant son and say, "Son, I love you. I want you to be all that you can be. My horribly disfigured nose made me the man I am today. The kind of man I want you to be. So, you're probably not going to like this but just hold still while I..."

No. You wouldn't do that.

But Richard Cox, Sr. might.

Whatever the surname, Richard Sr. and Richard Jr. present a troubling twist on the problems of Jr. addressed in my last post. Old Dick and Young Dick? Big Dick and Little Dick?

I knew a man named Dick Skinner. This is a real story and not an urban legend like Ura Hogg (though there was an Ima Hogg), or Nosmo King or Placenta. I had a feeling that this might not be as uncommon a name as I would hope it to be so I (foolishly, very foolishly) googled the name.

I don't recommend doing that.

The Case Against Junior

I'm not a fan of Junior. Here's why:

1) Two people, one house, one name. Confusing. There are plenty of names to go around. They're completely free so there's no need to economize.

2) Two people, one house, one name. Nicknames! Big Jim and Little Jim. Old Susan and Young Susan. You want to be big and old or little and young? You pick.

3) Great expectations. He will be just like me only smaller. Or better. Or never quite as good. Or never quite as rich. Or handsome. Or smart. He'll be just like me but he won't make the mistakes I made because I'll make sure he doesn't. Or else.

4) This is my son, Junior. This is my other son, What's-His-Face.

5) This is my son, Junior. This is my daughter, the Girl.

6) This is my son, Junior. I wanted to name him something else but there was a lot of pressure to name him Junior. Maybe I'll have another son someday and I'll be able to give him a name I like.

I have ranted on message board upon message board about these very things for years. Years. Ranted. So, that being said. What did I do? I, Suzanne, named my youngest daughter...wait for it...Susannah.

No, I really did.

It really didn't have anything to do with my name being Suzanne. That is, I didn't name her that to honor myself in any way. Which is not to say that I didn't realize that Suzanne and Susannah are variations on a theme. I obviously knew that and I did give it a lot of thought before finally greenlighting the name for which Rick and the kids were campaigning. Would it bother me if people thought I was naming her Suzanne, Jr? Yeah, probably. How much? Just a little.

Still, even though I didn't actually name her after me I don't think it would be very self aware to suggest that her name being a variant of mine is just a coincidence. Surely some deep and secret desire to have a namesake didn't factor somewhere into the decision.

And, my brother and sister-in-law are about to bring an 8th generation William G into the world. The G changes. Some of these William G's have gone by Will. Some by their middle name. Some, like my brother, by an unrelated nickname. I should be opposed (from an abstract perspective and not from a having-any-say-in-the-matter perspective, natch) to their choice of William G based on the reasons stated above but I'm not. I think its nice. I love that they are going to call him Will; a return to a nickname of 4 generations ago. I like that they aren't using the same G that's been used for the past 3 generations.

Am I a hypocrite then? A scofflaw making a mockery of my own self-imposed rules of naming?

Ralph Waldo Emerson wouldn't think so. He tells us in one of his many famous quotes, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of litte minds". Of course, this sounds to me to be an awful lot like moral relativism but...that's a different blog altogether.

And Ralph Waldo Emerson? Son of Rebecca Waldo Emerson? His four children? Waldo, Ellen, Edith and Edward Waldo.

You Don't Need Double Talk, You Need...

to watch this clip.




This was followed by the funniest thing ever said on television:

"We're not here to talk nonsense to Bob Loblaw."

Peanut Allergies are Not Funny

I know that. I do.

But when I took Henry to soccer tonight I walked by the lunch tables at the school where he practices and there were two tables upon which the phrase "NUT-FREE TABLE" was written boldy and frequently. There wasn't a better name for that table? Maybe, "SAFE TABLE"? I'm guessing that no one actually thought of the slightly more humiliating "NO-NUTS TABLE" or they would have gone with that.

If you're a 10-year old boy with a peanut allergy do you really need the additional burden of being one of the "No-Nuts"? I keep thinking that some poor kid is risking anaphylaxis everyday just to avoid having to sit at that table. Shrinking into himself in an attempt to disappear when the cafeteria monitor shouts out, "Are all of the NUT-FREE students at the proper table?"

Maybe I'm not giving today's youth the benefit of the doubt. I suppose its possible that kids today are more tolerant of the differences among them and they could be more sympathetic to their peers than were the children of my generation but I don't buy it.

For one thing, I know their parents.

I went to school with them.

I had just turned six when my grandparents gifted me with an adorable 6-week old kitten. I can only imagine my expression as the answer to a year's worth of prayers was lifted from my grandmother's handbag. I know that my parents faces were ashen and their voices tight and abnormally high pitched as they expressed words of delight to absolutely no one who was convinced.

We weren't even listening, really, my grandparents, my brother and I. We were busy cooing and fawning over the tiny fur baby. There were saucers of milk to fetch and balls of yarn to send pinballing around the living room.

And there had to be a name.

I gave it some thought and after a day decided upon Butterscotch because the kitten had one butterscotch paw. My father had a particular distaste for butterscotch and suggested Isis. I liked that name because I was a fan of the Saturday morning show about a girl superhero by the same name. That's how a 6-week old farm kitten ended up with the rather lofty and imperious name of Isis.

If you name a kitten after an Egyptian fertility goddess and then don't bother to have her spayed do you really have any right to be angry when the cat runs off for three days and then comes home pregnant? Probably not. But anger isn't based in logic.

Isis did not live a long and happy life, I'm sorry to say. She was the bane of my parents' existence during her short time on Earth; the victim of family politics and unhappy childhoods left unresolved. She was at times the only friend I had in the world and at times the catalyst (I know) for interactions that left indelible scars on my psyche. Her impact on me was such that, in the end, she had more than grown into her name.

Just before turning 21, I moved out of my parents home (again) and into an apartment with a woman whom I had only recently met at work. Her boyfriend was allergic to cats and even though he lived far away and never visited the apartment, cats were out of the question. I really wanted a cat but I was young and nervous about being on my own and Roommate was older and wise and made me feel safer. Not having a cat was a small price to pay for the comfort she provided.

Her relationship was tumultuous on its best day and the break-ups were frequent and loud (at least on her end) and never stuck for long. But I knew it was finally over on the evening when she emerged from her room with her arms crossed over her chest in a protective posture and said, "You can get a cat now."

I didn't have a name in mind when I brought the orange and white tabby back to the apartment. Roommate and I watched this kitten leave the comfort of my lap to explore the small space with extreme caution only to quickly return to me and eventually fall into a peaceful sleep. I thought of quiet, sweet names. Tabitha, like the kitten from Beatrix Potter, was the front-runner.

Later that evening, Roommate and I sat in the living room watching television while Kitten wandered about the apartment. Suddenly a flash of orange streaked by. Again the other way. Back again. Again. Again. And then this time she took a mighty leap into air and landed so that she was hugging a doorframe in a such a way that one paw was on the wall of the living room and the other paw on the wall of my bedroom. There she clung for the briefest second before her tiny body slid all the way down the doorframe and then she was off again.

"That cat is crazy," Roommate said.

I named her on the spot. Zelda. After the wife of F. Scott Fitzgerald, as I'm sure most of you already guessed.

Zelda was with me through three years of 60-hour work weeks combined with 12-credit hour semesters. So was Roommate. Both of them provided me with enormous comfort and support and encouragement albeit in entirely different ways. Zelda definitely outgrew her name, settling into a calm and quiet cathood after her reckless youth.

Shortly after we married, my husband and I adopted two kittens. We named one Tess, after the Thomas Hardy character. The other we called Remy after a favorite brand of cognac. It was a time in our lives when we had the luxury of doing a lot of reading. And drinking.

Tess the cat died suddenly at a young age from an unknown malady. That combined with the rather violent end met by the pair of mourning doves that lived in my pergola whom I named Tristan and Isolde led to my currently held belief that it is smug at best to name living things after tragic literary figures. As it stands right now, I'm 2 birds and 2 cats to the bad with Zelda somehow escaping a fiery death.

Remy, by the way, continues to get better with age.

Does This Name Make My Butt Look Big?

If there's one thing I'm good at its accepting criticism graciously. Well, that and training unicorns how to catch rainbows with their tails. Oh, and turning random objects into gold. Accepting criticism graciously, unicorn training and alchemy...these are all things I do well.

But even if you do accept criticism graciously, there really isn't anyone who isn't at least a little bit tweaked when someone dogs their kid's name.

My children are Eleanor, Henry and Susannah (alternately called Sadie). Here are comments about their names that I've received along with interpretations where appropriate for those readers who don't speak passive-aggressive:

"How interesting." = "How disgusting."

"Is that a family name?" = "Since no one actually likes that name you must be using it to honor someone who was so special that they were able to overcome the handicap of having such an ugly name." Could also mean, "That's a super name! If you're a great-grandpa."

"Those sure are old names."

"I haven't heard that one in a long time."

"I used to have a dog named that." & "That's my neighbor's dog's name." = "Um. That name is for dogs."

"Like the song?"

"Eh, its a name."

"That was my grandma's name." = "Um. That name is for grandmas."

"I don't like that. Its ugly." = "I don't like that. Its ugly."

You might think that last one was uttered by some impossibly impish child with that impossibly impish childlike way of saying whatever they're thinking. It was actually said by a full-grown adult whom I've known for most of my life. Hearing that made me long for the dulcet tones of, "Eh, its a name."

Normally, I appreciate candor but there are some things you just don't say to a women in her 8th month of pregnancy. Like:

"Wow. You're huge!"

"Are you sure its not twins?"

"Some people really put on weight in their faces, huh?"

"Please don't go into labor here."

"I don't like that [name]. Its ugly."

So, how should one respond they don't like the name someone has chosen for their child? What are the options?

1) Be honest.
2) Make a comment that doesn't commit one way or another.
3) Lie.

In most situations, I like to be honest. Its quicker. But in this situation, there's nothing to be gained by honesty. The kid is already named. The parents are already bonded to the child and the child's name. A blatant lack of enthusiasm is only going to be met with that special brand of smoldering hostility exclusive to parents whose kid has just been maligned in some way.

As much as I'm also a big fan wearing a mask of diplomacy there's nothing more transparent than a comment like, "How interesting." or "That certainly is a name!" Diplomatic and passive-aggressive are not the same.

That leaves lying. I'm not usually an advocate of lying but here's a case where it might serve a body well. I'm not saying one should jump up and down and throw a parade for a name they don't like. And, sure, its lying but is it really so bad to say, "Aw. That's cute" or "That's a nice name" and then change the subject?

I mean, one wouldn't say, "Hmmm. I don't really care for the looks of your baby. He bears too close a resemblance to my Great Uncle Hubert in his later years. Once the rheumatism had taken hold." Nor would one say, "Its been a while since I've seen a baby that looked like that!" We've all seen our share of revolting looking babies and yet I'll bet that most us have managed to stifle our gasps of horror and give a serviceable, "Awwww. What a cute little guy!"

And what is more closely tied to our babies than the very names we've bestowed upon them? We don't tell people, "This is the baby we named Thomas." We say, "This is Thomas." Shouldn't we take the courtesey of dishonesty that we show to ugly babies and extend it to ugly or ridiculous baby names?

On the off chance that Gwyneth Paltrow finds her way here I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that Apple is a really delicious crunchy juicy cute name.

I guess I'm going to need some practice.

"What are onomastics?" is what you might be asking yourself if you've read my previous blog entry, "And if its what I think it is, is that really an appropriate blog topic for a mother of three young children?"

The answer is, its not what you're thinking but, wow, you have a filthy mind and I can't believe you went there. Sure, that word is similar and I can see your confusion but I'm definitely not starting a blog about that. I'm not even going to put that word in this entry. What with google and all.

Onomastics is the completely not-dirty study of words and names...here's a dictionary definition:

1 a : the science or study of the origins and forms of words especially as used in a specialized field
b : the science or study of the origin and forms of proper names of persons or places

2 : the system underlying the formation and use of words especially for proper names or of words used in a specialized field

My interest in names is something that my friends have found annoying, disturbing, confusing, useful, interesting, annoying, concerning and/or messed up. Their take on it depends a lot on the particular friend, how the relationship is going, whether or not I am pregnant, whether or not they are pregnant, whether or not Madonna is pregnant and whether or not my online naming community is busy.

It started innocently enough. I was an impressionable young girl of 13. She was a vivacious redhead who played center defense on my soccer team. She had a baby name book at her house. She said I could borrow it. I did. End of story.

First, I just highlighted all the names that I liked. Soon, that wasn't enough and I was also making alphabetical lists of the names that I liked. Then I started seeking out more books and my lists grew longer and my parents started to get suspicious of how quickly I was going through highlighters. There was a lengthy discussion about the evils of huffing (or, as we called it back then, sniffing things). Actually, there wasn't any such discussion but there should have been. Then maybe that whole ugly scene that happened 4 years later could have been avoided.

As a college student spending time with other college students I learned that I would have to hide, as best I could, my enthusiasm for onomastics. Ok. Not so much that first year-and-a-half when I was at Ball State and my best friends were a teen mother and a handful of other girls all of whom were married at the end of the first year. But at Wayne State my friends were not thinking about marriage and babies. Some of them had not even been lesbians yet.

I wasn't thinking about marriage and babies either but its hard to convince people that you would be interested in names for any other reason.

Then, after much resistance, I was brought kicking and screaming to the internet. In a matter of weeks I found an online community that discussed nothing but baby names. Sure, most of them were expectant mothers but many were not. Not only were there discussions of baby names but there were sub-categories. Here you could discuss baby names for girls. There, baby names for boys. Baby names for twins. Baby names for girl/girl twins...and so on. These were my people. I was home.

Fast forward to today and this blog. I'm not sure where I'm going to go with it yet. Mostly because Rick is starting to clean the house and it seems wrong to sit here while he dusts. Besides, its harder to tell him all the ways that he's doing it wrong if I'm not watching.

A blog about names should certainly begin with some comments about the name of the blog. In the case of this blog, I phoned it in and went with a fragment from Shakespeare. I'm not proud of that and I was feeling more than a little conflicted about it until it came time to come up with a blogspot address.

Seems that www.assweet.blogspot.com wasn't going to work for some reason. Gee, someone else already thought of that one? What were the odds?

Meh. Whatever. Fine. I settled for www.smellassweet.blogspot.com and as I glanced back at what I had just typed I realized that this hackneyed Shakespearean snippet actually contained an incredibly rude phrase when it got all smashed together like that.

And in that way that makes it nearly impossible for me to be friends with decent people I giggled into my coffee .

I think that on some comsic level Shakespeare knew this would happen and fully approves.